Scripture says it should look like the relationship between Christ and His church. Christ’s relationship with his church is about love, nurturing, and spiritual growth. So, if we should love our spouse as Christ loves the church, then we must ask ourselves, "Am I loving my spouse so that he/she can spiritually grow or become more Christ like?”
What are we doing to facilitate this in our spouses? The answer is different for everyone as we are all married to unique people and live in unique situations. What areas can we be more supportive of our spouses spiritual growth? What things do we need to change in our life to make this happen?
What does a healthy marriage based on "oneness" look like in conflict?
The best example of this is in Matthew 5:38-48. Jesus says, "you have been told an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth." This is only revenge based on self-interest. But, Jesus says, "bless your enemy…love your enemy." In other words, when you feel wronged or when you feel sinned against by your spouse, can you in response act out in love? Can you do something that brings healing to the relationship?
Winston Smith, from the Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation (CCEF) says, "when you act out this way (in love) you are not being governed by self-interest, you are being governed by love and grace. This is love in its most perfect rarefied form. When you pursue this goal of responding to conflict with love and grace, all of the other qualities of love will find a natural home in your marriage. "
This is what a healthy marriage based on oneness looks like. It is a love that is demonstrated the way Christ demonstrates love for His church. In conflict, a healthy marriage is one based on love that is governed by grace and not self-interest.
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