Ephesians 5:33b …let the wife see that she respects her husband.
In the book For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn, a study showed that 74% of men would rather feel unloved than disrespected or inadequate. Does this surprise you?
How often do we wives base our respect on whether or not our husband’s “deserve” it? Respect must be earned, we might think. John 13:34-35 tells us we are to love one another as Christ loves us. So then we must love our husband’s unconditionally, as we are instructed, and to respect them for WHO they are, not WHAT they do (or don’t do). It is a choice we must make, for the sake of our husband and our marriage.
It is very important to understand the way your husband needs to feel your respect. I would like to share some of these ways with you, based on the book For Women Only.
Respect his judgment: Men desire for their wives to trust their decisions and opinions, especially when they might be different than our own. Sometimes our first inclination, especially when we disagree about something, is to try to get our husband to see things “our” way or to challenge his decision. But men are called by God to “be the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church.” Wow…that’s a big responsibility. As wives, we need to realize and remember this, and respect decisions that are made. It’s not always easy but necessary!
Respect his abilities: Men like to figure out things on their own. It may take 3 hours to put together a bookshelf for your office but each time we enter into the room and ask why it's taking so long or offer to call the neighbor to help, we are subtly telling our husband that we don’t think he can do it. Men feel affirmed when they can “conquer” something. Have confidence in his abilities and tell him you believe in him...often!
Respect in communication: Proverbs 17:27 says “The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint?” Do you build up your husband or tear him down with your words? Do you convey love in your words? It’s about HOW we communicate. Do you give him your undivided attention by looking at him when he’s telling you about his day? Do you close the computer, turn off the TV or put your phone down when he’s talking to you?
Respect in public: “My wife says things about me in public that she considers teasing. I consider them torture.” How are your words about your husband when you are around others? Do you speak highly of your husband to your friends? Or do you fall into society’s “ways” and complain and criticize…“Oh, let me tell you what MY husband does.” Take advantage of opportunities to praise your husband publicly. Share the way he cleared the snow off your car last week before you left for work or how nice the yard looks after he spent all day cutting the grass, weeding, etc.
Respect in our assumptions: We assume our husband’s need to constantly be reminded of things. For example, let’s say you asked your husband to fix your daughter’s bike. But you realize two days later that he hasn’t done it. You want to nag him about it don’t you?! But Proverbs 21:19 tells us otherwise, “Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.” Did you stop to think that maybe he didn’t get it done yet because he was with the kids last night so you could spend time with your friends? And then he had bible study this morning. What if we trusted that he would do what he said he would do, and then we let it go? That speaks respect to our husband.
I know this is a lot to take in and digest. And all of us aren’t there yet. But the more we understand about what our husband’s need to feel respected, the better we can support them the way they need to be supported. Share this with your husband, talk about it, and see what happens! You might be surprised at his response!
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